


To The World As I Know It

by AngelWithAStory



Category: Original Work
Genre: My Poetry, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 10:24:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1507094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelWithAStory/pseuds/AngelWithAStory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bit of poetry to vent out my feelings and frustrations</p>
            </blockquote>





	To The World As I Know It

To the world,

I am a body.

Someone who was born

Nearly 15 years ago

On May 5th.

 

To history,

I am a mere blip

A breath

A ghost

As it continues to turn on it's axis,

Ignorant of my being.

 

And I hate how my existence

Is nothing more than a statistic

A number

A date and a time and a place

That will be written down

And filed away

To never be looked at again.

 

So to the world

That I exist in

I have a few things to say:

 

To my school

Who claims that the pupil comes first

But puts significant pressure

On the smallest of things,

I would like to say

That I do dislike you.

I do not dislike learning,

I dislike how the corridors

Are a battleground

Where the only arsenal is words

And they hurt more than bullets.

I dislike how there is always

One rule for them,

One rule for us,

Regardless.

I disliked how we are expected

To know what will happen to us in life

And to know what we want to do

When we aren't even given free rein

Of our own bodies.

I dislike how your rules dictate us

Past simply 'appropriate behaviour'

To the point where our personalities,

Our interests,

The way we want to be

Isn't allowed because they don't fit

Your suffocating rules.

 

To my classmates

Who either treat me as their superior

And hate me for it

Or treat me as their inferior

And never listen when I speak;

I hate that.

Don't put me on a pedestal,

Just so you can mock me when

I need something to be repeated

Or I ask for clarification

Or I just don't know.

And don't ignore my voice.

Period.

Don't pretend that I am not there

Or elect to talk when I speak

Or never cast a glance in my direction

Or don't even acknowledge me

With a simple nod.

 

And to that one boy in history

Who talked over me

While we were learning about

Woman's suffrage

And only enforced the idea

That's been drilled into his head

For years;

Fuck you, Tom Tulley.

And to anyone who thinks

Their own voice deserves to be heard

Above anyone else's,

Fuck you

And shut up.

 

To my friends,

With whom I want to talk with

About my conflicted heart

and my damaged head

And to whom I want

To come out to;

I'm sorry.

I can't.

Not today.

Not tomorrow.

Not just now.

I am sorry,

But please understand this:

Would you even believe me?

 

To my friend who used the phrase

' _girl crush_ '

When asking me about

A female celebrity I was gushing over

Who I adore just as much as a male

as if that made it less significant;

At that moment I knew.

I am ready to accept myself

And who I am

And who my heart wants,

But are you?

 

To my best friend,

Who tells me that her nightmares

Are of physical intimacy

With anyone

And who only asked out a boy

For a Valentine

And who says she will be 'done'

When she has had a 'lesbian fling'

So she will never have to date again

And who playfully ships me

With our mutual friend,

(Who I have known for longer

And who I considered my best friend

For a long time),

To the point where she bargains

With us to see physical touch,

And to my friend who plays along;

Please stop.

Please, just stop.

Please.

My mind and my heart and my soul

Are a massive melting pot

Of fear

And thoughts

And attractions

And scolding words

And confusion

And you are not helping.

Stop forcing me to cover up

The words I'm dying

To scream out

Because you don't know.

 

To my family,

Thank you.

Thank you for always

Being on my side

And for always being there

To hold me

And to wipe my tears

And help me fight my demons.

I'm sorry that I still feel anger

Slowly eating away at my soul

And that I can't stop it.

I'm sorry I sometimes still feel

That not living is easier than

Carrying on.

I'm sorry;

I don't mean it.

I promise.

It's just hard to break old habits.

 

But even if my world is like this:

Broken

Bias

Unjust

And cruel

It is still my world

And I still refuse

To let it take me prisoner

No

This is _my_ life

And I will show the world 

That my statistic,

My number,

My date and time and place

Mean something

I will make it

 

This is the world I know

And I love it

Bad times and all

Come rain or shine

Warts and all

 

So to everyone whose life

I have even brushed against

And who has brushed against mine

Thank you

Because you help me get stronger

And when I am stronger

I can go further

And I can shout louder

And if my name lives on

I will carry yours with me

 


End file.
